OK, this is my first attempt at posted fanfic. I saw Kelly's "Vibrator challenge" and could not resist. This is NC-17, completely improbable, relatively goofy, and totally tasteless. Please don't hold it against me; I'll be the first to nominate it for a BADFIC Award. DISCLAIMER: The characters of Mulder and Scully are owned by Ten Thirteen Productions. Copyright infringement is intended just a _wee_ bit. Do not fold, spindle, or mutilate. If not satisfied with the freshness of this story, please return unused portion for a full refund. Offer invalid in Continental US. Richter Scale (Challenge) NC-17 by Rebecca Dana Scully stood in the hotel shower, relaxing in the hot water's high-pressure spray. She soaped herself lazily, letting the water massage her scalp, when she heard a pounding at her bathroom door. "Scully? You in there?" Dana sighed; her head began to pound again. 'Can't I ever get a break from him?' she wondered. 'Probably not.' She sighed again, slumping her shoulders. Raising her voice over the sound of the running water, she answered him. "What is it, Mulder?" "What did you do with the casefile? I need to check something." "It's in my suitcase, Mulder, in the pocket." "What? I can't hear you." Yelling over the shower, she repeated, "It's in my suitcase!" Fox Mulder turned away from the bathroom door and saw her suitcase, lying on her bed. He crossed to the bed and unzipped the suitcase open, lifting the cover. Mulder was stunned. He knew that Scully was attractive; it was the first thing he noticed about her. He just hadn't really thought that much about it lately. But now, seeing all of her distinctly feminine undergarments forced him to think about her attractiveness. In fact, her underwear seemed to be forcing another part of him to notice as well. His pants were tightening as his eyes drew in the sight of silk and satin, neatly arranged tiny scraps of cloth which could barely cover his hand... Scully wore thong underwear. Shaking his head, and willing his erection away, he began to rifle thorugh her clothing, looking for the casefile. He figured it was probably on the bottom. His hands dug through the garments with disregard; he simply wanted to find this casefile and _fast_. As his mind began to go over the reasons for getting out of this suitcase quickly, his hand touched something... Something hard. Something long. Something--buzzing? The object against his palm was wrapped in terrycloth, following its cylindrical shape. It hummed in his hand, making his fingers grow slightly numb. He shook his head again, refusing to let his brain make the connection in his mind which would allow him to consciously recognize the object in question. It simply couldn't be true. Dana lathered her hair with her strawberry shampoo, massaging her scalp with her fingers. The spray of the shower beat against her back, releasing the tension of her bunched muscles. She couldn't hear anything from her bedroom; she figured Mulder was now in his hotel room with the casefile. For some reason, she had a nagging thought in her head about letting Mulder into her suitcase, some reason why she should have gotten the casefile herself. She shrugged her shoulders and leaned back into the water, letting the shampoo lather slide down her back... Fox was hard. Very hard. He couldn't remember being this hard before. His hand began to peel back the terrycloth wrapped around the buzzing toy. He saw a flash of shiny black latex, and unwrapped the humming object completely. It was a vibrator. A ten-inch, black latex, two-inch thick vibrator. At the base of the vibrator was a dial; he twisted it clockwise and the vibrating became faster. His cock jumped. Breathing heavily, he raised the toy to his nose and sniffed... 'Oh, _God_!' His mind reeled. 'I can _smell her!" He lowered the vibrator to his chest, holding it against the white Oxford shirt above his nipple. His cock jumped again. He slid the toy over his chest to his other nipple. His stomach muscles contracted with the pleasure; he became aware of his hand against his cock. Rubbing his erection through his pants, he slid the vibrator found one nipple to the other, then down his spasming stomach to his waistline. He dipped further and touched tip of Scully's vibrator to the head of his cock. He almost came. Unbuckling his pants, he quickly undid the button and zipper and let them drop to his ankles. He began to trace the underside of his cock with the vibrator, then held it against his balls as he surrounded his cock with hand. He sat on Scully's bed, jerking his cock and rolling his balls around in his sac with the vibrator, losing himself in the feeling of it... Rinsing the last of the conditioner from her hair, Dana turned off the water and stepped out of her shower. She thought she heard a buzzing sound, 'Must be the flourescent lights.' She wrapped a towel around her hair, using the other towel to dry off her body. The buzzing sound annoyed her, seemed too familiar... 'Oh, _God_!' she realized. 'He _found_it!' Wrapping the spare towel around herself quickly and tucking it under her armpit, Dana yanked open the bathroom door and rushed into the room. Mulder was lying on her bed. Jerking himself off...with her vibrator. He had placed the toy along the underside of his cock and held them with both hands as he masturbated. His eyebrows were furrowed and his teeth caught his lower lip. As he concentrated on his impending orgasm, he heard the bathroom door open. He opened his eyes, and saw Scully standing before him, nearly naked. His eyes took her in, roving from top to bottom, but when he saw her leg... He groaned and gripped his hands around his cock and the vibrator even tighter, feeling his balls contract. Making eye contact with Scully, he came, semen spurting from his cock into the air, over his shirt, over his pants...on Scully's leg. He lay on the bed, panting, eyes now closed, suddenly very embarassed. He lowered one hand and twisted the vibrator's dial counter-clockwise, turning it off. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at Scully. She was grinning. "Scully, oh, God, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry..." Dana cut him off. "Mulder, OK, you're sorry, be quiet..." "I didn't mean to...I'm sorry, I don't know what... "Mulder, shut up. Don't worry about it." "How can I ever make this up to you? Oh, God, Scully, I--" "Mulder, you want to make this up to me?" "Yes, Scully, yes. Anything, I'll do _anything_!" Her eyebrow raised of its own accord. "Anything?" "Yes! Anything!" "Well, then," Dana replied while digging through her suitcase, "we're in for an interesting evening." Her hand grabbed an object and raised it to Mulder's view. He swallowed; his mouth was dry. 'I _did_ promise _anything_,' he thought. Dana began to tie the object--a rather large strap-on dong--around her waist. "Am I glad I remembered to bring _this_ as well..." -End- Well, let me know what you think, unless you find it irreprehensible--in that case, I don't think I want to know! :)